When PinkHaired Digidestined Attack
by Chrish
Summary: Miyako creates a documentary exploring the depths of the evil that is Mimi Tachikawa. Includes Grandpa Hida on Viagra, stripping moms, and random Daisuke bashing! (R&R)


(A/N: Wow.. like.. I thought Digimon was dead. Hmph. Read fanfic plx. =D.)  
  
A blurry image of a handwritten signed popped into view. "Good, zoom in zoom in," Miyako chirped. "Alright, just so they can see it. Then just read what it says to the audience. Okay? Good."  
  
"When Fink-Haired Digidestined Attack!"  
  
"It says pink, Iori, pink," Miyako groaned.  
  
"Right, pink," Iori fumbled the camcorder.  
  
"Okay, let's get this show on the road crew," Miyako lead Iori through a small hallway and into a room. Takeru and Hikari were making out wildly over a table. "JESUS, DAISUKE! I TOLD YOU TO STOP SLIPPING VIAGRA INTO PEOPLE'S DRINKS! YOU'RE FIRED! FIRED!"  
  
Daisuke popped on camera, waved. "Huh? But Ken dared me to, I swear!" His beady eyes searched around for a place to dart to, he looked towards off-camera Miyako. "NO! NOT THE AXE! AHHH!"  
  
Daisuke was quickly smashed across the face and fell off-camera.  
  
"Someone throw him in the dumpster. I can't handle this stress, I just CAN'T!"  
  
VICTIM 1: HIKARI VS. BREAD  
  
Hikari took a seat in a stool, mascara streaming down her face. Her shirt limped to one side, her bra showing. Hair frizzled up, she choked down a yelp. "So, Hikari, can you explain to us EXACTLY what happened that day when you were at the restaurant with Takeru?" Miyako asked, shoving a microphone up in Yagami-chan's face.  
  
"Well, it all began on a Tuesday afternoon.."  
  
(weird techno-y effects)  
  
Takeru and Hikari sat in a booth at a small restaurant. They talked quietly as they ate their food and sipped at their cokes. Everything seemed normal. Little did they know trouble was amiss. Before they knew it, the pink-haired girl had entered the restaurant!  
  
"And before we knew it.. Mimi was in the restaurant!"  
  
Mimi suddenly began yelling at Hikari, screaming at her. She picked up her glass of pop and chucked it into the younger girl's face, flailing her arms around in her face. "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WHINEY LITTLE HOG!" Suddenly the pink-haired girl grabbed a loaf of bread from a random man..  
  
"Then... she had a loaf of bread that she had taken from a random man!" Hikari began breaking into tears.  
  
Before either of them knew it, Hikari was being clobbered by the bread. Mimi continued whamming the loaf at the Child of Light mercilessly. "DIE! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY STOLEN WHEAT PRODUCTS!" Takeru got up to try to stop Mimi, but she smacked him off camera. "STAY OUT OF THIS STUPID HELMET BOY!"  
  
Hikari cried achingly. "Then she said 'DIE! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY STOLEN WHEAT PRODUCTS!' It was absolutely horrifying." The camera pulled back to include Takeru in the view, grasping her hand. Patamon sat in his lap.  
  
"Takeru, how come a little hard bump keeps poking me?" The digimon questioned. Takeru looked around nervously.  
  
(end weird techno-y effects)  
  
"Now that's what I call a tragic story folks!" Miyako squeezed into view, smacking her head against the camera. "Damnit, Iori!" She smacked the little boy off camera. Again. Again. The camera hit the floor, went fuzzy.  
  
THE SEARCH FOR MORE VICTIMS  
  
"No, no, focus on my pretty face. I stepped in dog crap this morning, my shoes are terrible." Miyako commanded. The camera pulled up to her face. "Welcome back, fellow viewers. We're still on the hunt for more victims of this terrible pink-headed Digidestined, but alas -- no avail. Though we do have a new cameraman!"  
  
Grandfather Hida popped his head into view. "REMEMBER TO DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE KIDS!"  
  
"Alright, alright. I paid the nursing home good money so you better not mess up you smelly old man," Miyako pushed the old man out of the lens. "Anyway, this legend known as Mimi Tachikawa has been spotted in several locations here in Odaiba, and we're here to warn the town of this girl's wrongdoings!"  
  
SICKLY FAT MAN WITH DOG  
  
"Me again!" Miyako smiled and waved into the camera. "I'm here at the park and I've just found a witness to a brutal crime committed by our nemisis Mimi." She pushed a picture of Mimi with a big X over her head into view, threw it into the bushes.  
  
The camera pulled back to review her standing next to an overweight man coughing heavily, attempting to keep his golden retriever in order. "The pink-haired girl with the weird yellow clips you say? Yeah, I saw her just this morning."  
  
"Did she threaten you with your life, sickly fat man with dog?" Miyako asked.  
  
The man gave her a strange look. "Um, no, she helped me catch my Fifo here."  
  
".. So you're saying she beat you ravagely, causing you to drop your dog's leash, and he ran off?" Miyako blinked.  
  
"Not so much as I'm saying she helped me find my dog," the man rubbed his nose.  
  
"Oh well," Miyako pushed the man out of the way. "No one cares about you and your dumb dog Fifo anyway. We only care about me--covering the story of the century! Now, if any of you have seen this girl please call 1-800-ILIKEGIRLS. It's Daisuke's number. Not mine. I don't like girls. I don't have a crush on Mimi. That's not why I'm filming this documentary!"  
  
Fuzz.  
  
"Sorry, some technical difficulties. Iori's grandfather began having convulsions. But I think he's alright now.." The camera pulled over to the old man passed out on a bench, not breathing. "Hope you get better soon, Mr. Hida!" Miyako walked over to the man, placed a note in his hand reading "GIVE ME BRAS."  
  
Miyako stepped back to the sidewalk, the camera focused on her once again. "So, at my last string, we're using Mrs. Izumi as our cameram--woman. Yeah." Koushirou's adoptive mom popped her head onto the camera, waved. "Yeayeayeah, okay, enough. The camera likes me better."  
  
VIAGRA = BAD, MIMI DOCUMENTARY = GOOD  
  
"Okay, we've been patrolling the streets of Odaiba for NEARLY an hour now," Miyako looked back at the camera as she walked along. "Still no luck. And darn, my bunyons hurt like you wouldn't believe!" Stopping to catch her breath, Miyako was met by Takeru as he crouched into view and handed the girl a card.  
  
"Hmm.. Oh. This just in, Mrs. Izumi is now selling her body for money because this job pays crap. Go you!" Miyako smiled. The camera suddenly poised over to a group of young men cheering. "MRS. IZUMI! PLEASE LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON TILL THE DOCUMENTARY IS OVER! YOU'RE GOING TO DROP THE CAM--"  
  
Fuzz.  
  
...  
  
More fuzz.  
  
"Testing, one, two, four. Testing, one, two, four," Hawkmon's face covered the lens.  
  
"My god, you stupid little retard!" Miyako screamed off camera. Suddenly Hawkmon was hurtled across the street. "I'm the star here, honey. And you can't even count. Why couldn'tve I had a smart Digimon? I mean, Stupid-Blondemon would be better than that idiot. Ugh. Anyway.. I think we may have--"  
  
Suddenly the camera began to shake, jumble.  
  
"OH MY GOD! RUN! NOOO!" Miyako screamed, turning to run.  
  
The camera followed.  
  
"OH JESUS! I AM SO SCARED!" Miyako ducked into an alley. "RUN MRS. IZUMI, RUN!"  
  
HE'S ALIVE! HE'S ALIVE!  
  
The camera fuzzed in. Cracked out. Finally began to adjust to the vision of a Japanese porn magazine. "Ooh, I don't think Koushirou has this one yet.." Mrs. Izumi spoke off-camera. Her attention turned to the screaming next to her.  
  
Moving the camera, she focused onto the image of Grandpa Hida humping Miyako's leg. "HELP ME! IORI, GET YOUR STUPID GRANDPA OFF ME NOW! DAISUKE, WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE HIM A FRICKIN' VIAGRA PILL! STOP WITH THE PILLS OKAY!"  
  
Iori ran onscreen, weighed down by a bodycast. He wobbled, fell over. "GRR! THIS IS NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING AT ALL!" Miyako cried out.  
  
THE LEGEND: TACHIKAWA MIMI  
  
Darkness. "Are you sure he's gone? Are you positive?"  
  
Beat.  
  
"Good, now turn on the little light switch on the top of the camco--" A light suddenly filled the small area. "I hope we're safe in this dumpster. And I really hope I'm not sitting on what I think I am." Something groped her. "CRAP HE'S IN HERE! Oh, no, it's just a bum."  
  
"Anyway, we have still YET to find any trace of Mimi other than Hikari, Takeru and the sickly fat man's confessions! I'm afraid Mimi may have covered up her tracks too well this time. But rest assured we will find her!" Suddenly the top of the dumpster flipped open. An enranged pink-haired menace stared down at them.  
  
"NO! MIMI, PLEASE DON'T! I S--"  
  
Fuzz.  
  
(A/N: Yay. Questions, comments? Should I continue it? Weee. R&R please.) 


End file.
